One and Not the Same
by Artemis Ignitan
Summary: I hope, whoever reads this, that this will be an accurate portrayal of the events that are soon to unfold...for your sake, and the world's...-Fudo Yuuen-hakase, Momentum Lead Scientist. Chapter 7: It's Okay...
1. Prolouge: Introspection

**(A/N): Yeah, it's me, writing after such a long time. It's been getting hectic on my end, what with college applications and all...not to mention that my laptop with my saved stories has been taken from me by my mother, so those of you waiting for _Archer _to update will be waiting for a bit more time...I apologize. :(**

**Not to mention that 5D's has been eating my soul as of late. Hence, I acted on the proddings and pokings by some friends at GaiaOnline (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) and started writing this plotbunny. I hope you enjoy this new tale!**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Prologue-Introspection

I never thought that I would write one of these. I always imagined that journals were for the more emotional people, those who had too many thoughts in their head to remember everything. I had always-forgive me for the apparent pride-always had a very good memory; photographic, the new digital kind, with the sharpest resolution, every detail accounted for. This was the sort of memory that people prayed and pined for, seemingly perfect. And for a long time, I thought so too...I never saw the need for a journal.

I see the flaw in that thinking now. Photos-no matter how sharp, how many pixels, how many details they can capture-are only two-dimensional. They are flat, no depth. They may capture the light of a sparkle in one's eyes, or the shine of their teeth, but that is all they capture: light. It is a person's emotional memories that make the light in one's eyes a mischievous glint, or a glimmer of a lonely tear, or a twinkling smile. These emotions that we take for granted-they are easily misread, misinterpreted, wrongly remembered. And the event that brought me to this realization is the one that I shall record here.

This is still a very odd feeling. I still have, somewhere in the deep bowels of learned instinct, an urge to write a lab report on this. Alas, my work has been nothing but lab reports, flat as the photographic memories that fueled them. I truly thought that my whole passion went into these packets of endless words, graphs, and revelations. I know now that it was only my passion as a scientist that fueled them, and that there is other kinds of passion. There is a passion that only a select group let kindle in their hearts, that fuels themselves on the knowledge that not only themselves, but others depend on the decisions they make. And out of those others, there are those who burn brightest, longest, and hottest. I never knew that there were such people that could affect me this much...

Then again, perhaps it is the feelings of dread that I try to suppress in the outside world that I shall attempt to express here that fuel me to do this. But, I would rather not consider that, it is much easier to suppose that I do this out of love.

Still, I find it strange. This little book, this thin collection of papers, so insignificantly small compared to even my shortest reports-this _journal_-I fear, may become more important than the most informative of my lab reports.

The event I seek to record here was originally the most innocuous of events, innocent and full of nothing but joy. But, strange premonitions I have and had have several months prior-premonitions that even now return to me as I put pen to paper-and occurrences that surrounded it have now made this event a haunting time; a time that, I am sure, will soon affect more than simply me and the people around me. I am sure that these happenings are not finished with their plaguing; and as the unfortunate victim, I shall record them to the best of my ability, and to ensure that they are not the flat, two-dimensional digital pictures I am used to reproducing. I hope that these words will paint more than simply a picture, but a three-dimensional world, with depth and meaning, where I capture the light with my own two hands and shape it to the meaning I chose to convey.

Fate, or destiny, or sheer coincidence, I know not. All I know is that I am an inadequate person to record things as they are, and not as a pale reproduction of it. However, this duty has been entrusted to me, and me alone, and I shall strive to fulfill it to the best of my ability. I hope, whoever reads this, that this will be an accurate portrayal of the events that are soon to unfold...for your sake, and the world's...

-Fudo Yuuen-hakase  
Momentum Lead Scientist

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**(A/N): So, review/criticizations?**

**Also, credit for the name Yuuen goes to some deviantART artist I remember seeing a few months back. Apparently, it means something like "Lost Star", which seems to fit. ^^**


	2. Chapter 1: Guilty Premonition

**(A/N): Surprise! Updated suprisingly quickly, huh? Yeah, I'm surprised too. Anyone who hasn't seen my profile guess what the story is about yet? :D**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's fanfiction

Chapter One-Guilty Premonition

_Day XX, Year 20XX_

The event that I wish to record...no...I probably shouldn't start with that. It truly started several months prior, with an announcement from my wife, Yoko.

She was pregnant.

Like any new father, I was overwhelmed. Shock and happiness flowed through me, numb to everything but that news. I was even oblivious to the fact that my left arm, the one that held the mark, was burning.

If you sought out this journal, you most likely know what the mark I refer to is. If you stumbled across this by accident, I shall explain for you, as understanding of this mark is crucial to understand my anxiety over this event.

Long ago, in Peru, during the time of such tribes as the Inca, there was a group called the People of the Stars. They worshipped a red star, which they considered their god. The head priest, the Dragon Star King, was the one who communicated with it. Legends state that when evil threatened to rise and corrupt the world, the Dragon Star King prayed to the Red Star for a solution. The Red Star responded by sending its spirit form down to Earth, the Crimson Dragon. The Crimson Dragon then sealed the evil into the earth, creating the patterns known today as the Nazca Lines.

It was then said that the Crimson Dragon split its power into five marks that were granted to five chosen warriors. These five marks represented body parts of the whole dragon: the head, tail, wings, and two claws. When those five warriors banded together, they would be able to call on the Crimson Dragon's power once more, for the inevitable return of the evil sealed within the Nazca Lines. The marks would pass down, from warrior to warrior, across the expanse of time. These warriors were called Signers, and they would stand on guard for eternity, like sentinels, waiting for the evil to break free. Each warrior was granted a dragon spirit servant of the Crimson Dragon, which would follow the marks through time, changing form to suit the ever-changing styles of battle.

It seems strange for a scientist like me to set so much store by ancient myths. However, the burning mark I refer to is indeed one of the Signer marks-and to make it even odder, it is the head mark, the one that leads and controls the others. As a result of being the said leader, I often received disturbances that correlated to not only events that triggered nearby, but events that happened from afar. It had particularly started burning more frequently ever since I had started the Momentum project- the project that was potently the most important project of my career. I had always dreamed of finding a more efficient form of energy, and I had found it in the energy in the Signer Marks, which appeared to be a more watered down and weakened form of the energy produced by the Crimson Dragon. It was mere innate curiosity at first that drew me towards it...now it's something that I am starting to regret. I feel as if I'm messing with something sacred...something that should have been well left alone. Luckily, it seems that I am one of the last remaining Signers, judging by the way three of the other Dragon Spirit Servants have somehow come to me...It still baffled me the way they had now taken the forms of children's playing cards. It's almost amusing to a point-there were plenty of hi-tech weapons out there, weapons that could decimate a city within seconds, and yet they chose to become pieces of laminated cardboard that were more likely to end up under a child's bed than destroy a town. However, it does make things easier-less people get curious if one carries around a card rather than some sort of laser gun or the like...but back to Momentum. Seeing as I was the remaining Signer, there would be less energy around to draw from...or so I reasoned. Momentum was relatively calm, although it did have some of its wild moments, which would cause my mark to react, even if I wasn't around it. I worried, and still worry, constantly about what would happen once the Signers of the new generation were born...I didn't know how close I was to discovering what.

The first unnerving event happened some months after that. My mark was burning more severely than usual, which was something I had been getting used to-Momentum had started acting up more often the past few months. I only note this seemingly unimportant time because of what happened after that: Yoko claimed she had stopped feeling the baby.

Yoko was someone who's instinct I never questioned. When it came to the emotions of others, she was never wrong. She had been more in tune with that unborn baby than anyone else before, so when she hinted that there might have been a miscarriage happening right at that moment, I took no chances. I took her straight to the hospital.

What happened there was something I never expected.

The unborn babe appeared to be perfectly fine. On top of that, the doctor exclaimed that there must have been something wrong with our first sonogram-for there was not just one baby in Yoko's womb-there were two!

I should have been pleased with the news. We had thought that we had lost our only child, only to find that we had more joy than we expected. And I was happy, I truly was, but...a part of me worried. Sonograms are very reliable tests, it was near impossible to have something gone awry without anyone noticing. And Yoko's instincts, as I said before, were never wrong. For her to get something wrong about that baby...those babies, now...was impossible for me to imagine. Something had happened within the womb, I was sure of it. But what?

The only thing I could associate with the strange occurrence was my mark burning at the time...but Signer marks never caused anything, they only reacted to what happened. The mark could have never caused the one child to become two...

I received a possible answer on the way home from the hospital from the Godwin brothers-two rising scientists in my department. The older, Rudger, was my right-hand man, the younger, Rex, was my intern. I respected both of them, for they had brilliant minds. Rudger called to tell me that Momentum had experienced an odd phenomenon-it had briefly rotated in the opposite direction, a negative rotation. He commented with amusement that his younger brother had been scared witless by it, saying that the energy felt like it was the opposite of Momentum's energy. He said that it felt harsh and destructive, unlike the warm gentle feeling Momentum usually produced. Rudger dismissed that as a childish, unscientific thought. I thought otherwise.

I was particularly worried about how Rudger seemed intrigued with the negative energy. He wanted to investigate it further-for scientific reasons of course. But, I was afraid. I feared that this was evidence that I had indeed been tinkering with things that should have been left alone. I didn't want to have to face that. It was easier to ignore it. I refused to let him study it.

Of course, I denied that I feared facing my mistakes. I instead found a different reason to set myself against discovering the negative rotation. I reasoned that it had been the negative rotation that had caused my mark to burn so severely, and that the negative rotation had something to do with what happened within Yoko's womb.

On the day that Yoko had gone into labor, my mark burned more violently than ever before. I couldn't suppress the suspicion that the events happening to the pregnancy were some sort of premonition of horrible events to come. I was worried that either Yoko or the babies would not make it. I traced the events that happened backwards-the babe's apparent splitting into two, the mark burning, the negative rotation of Momentum, Momentum's wild periods, the creation of Momentum itself, my experimenting with the power of my mark...

It had all started with me.

If either Yoko or the babies died...or, heaven forbid, all three of them...it would be all my fault.

It had been my ambition, my curiosity, my meddling with things that I knew, in the deep recesses of my mind, that I should not have touched...

And then I tried to convince myself that it wasn't my fault. That was the scientist's job, wasn't it? To find out everything about everything, to venture where no one had ventured before? It was all in the name of duty.

And then I became disgusted with myself, trying to run away from my faults. And then I would trace the events backwards once more...it was an endless cycle of guilt, fear, and desperation. It was the most horrifying time of my life, waiting for the babies to come.

I had needed not worry about Yoko. She met my anxious face flushed with exhaustion and joy. The babies had been delivered safely. Two healthy, perfect boys, she said, our two little stars.

I smiled, amused that she had gone along with the star motif I had suggested for the twins' names. She knew that as a Signer, I tended to be a little bit of a star enthusiast.

I let my anxiety melt away at that moment. Everything was fine, perfectly fine...the babies were born safe, Yoko was alive, and my mark had stopped burning. For that one moment in time, I felt like a normal father, happy simply for the fact that the family was growing, that there was someone new to love in my life.

That made it much harder for me when the (literal, of course) bombshell was dropped.

The doctor came in. Our babies were perfectly healthy, he said. However, there was something not quite right about them...

We demanded to see them...they rolled in the bassinet, the two boys sleeping in it side by side.

Both babies were wrapped in a soft blue blanket, their hair hidden under the wrappings. Unwrapping them, I found they had inherited my spiky black hair, with vivid stripes of their mother's golden yellow. They both awakened when I touched them, revealing bright blue cobalt eyes, like the evening sky. My first thought was that they looked breathtakingly alike.

My second thought was that they looked completely different.

Ryuusei, the first-born, seemed to have a fleshier body, which made him look slightly stronger and appear to have a more physical presence than his younger brother. I wasn't surprised-apparently this happened a lot with identical twins; one twin got more nutrients than the other twin and developed more. His eyes were a slightly darker shade of cobalt blue, and they lacked any sort of glow or luster that most eyes had, they almost looked...dead. That didn't mean they had lost any intensity, however, in fact, they seemed almost fixated on me, unwavering. It was eerie and unnerving.

The younger twin, Yuusei, looked smaller and frailer, weighing an entire pound less than his brother. His eyes were a lighter cobalt blue, and unlike his brother's they held little flecks of light, like tiny stars. His eyes seemed to bore right through me, as if they could see all my faults and fears-I felt naked just being seen that way. It was just as unnerving as his brother's stare, except where Ryuusei's had aroused physical fear, Yuusei's had shaken my very core. It seemed that although Ryuusei had the stronger body, Yuusei had the stronger spirit.

I unwrapped Yuusei's blanket fully, and picked him up, examining his body for any sort of sign of illness or injury. I found none. What unnerved me was how Ryuusei's stare seemed to change-his eyes were still fixated on me, but now their intensity had been increased tenfold. It was if I had been caught in some sort of frigid glare...

But babies didn't glare...they were much too innocent to feel hatred...or even know of hatred in the first place...right?

I was brought out of my thoughts with a shuddering gasp from Yoko, who was pointing at the wall behind me. I looked-and I almost dropped Yuusei in shock.

I think Yuusei must have sensed my distress, for at that point he began to cry-and exactly when he did so, I was again trapped by Ryuusei's glare-I call it a glare now, because there was no more doubt at that point that he **was** glaring. For a baby just born from the womb to feel such hatred towards his father...what was happening?

I gently placed Yuusei back in the bassinet and picked up Ryuusei gingerly, trying to avoid his eyes. I took a quick glance at the wall and paled-it had happened with him too. Placing Ryuusei back down next to his brother, I turned to Yoko, still hearing Yuusei's quiet sobs and feeling Ryuusei's glare at my back. We were both frightened. Something that happened and we didn't know what was going on, what we had gotten pulled into. All we knew was that...

...neither Ryuusei nor Yuusei had a shadow.

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Lead Scientist_

End

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**(A/N): So...read and review? Critiques highly appreciated. :D**

**EDIT: Whoops, totally forgot to include the twins' name translations. Yuusei means "wandering star", Ryuusei means "shooting star". And I'm sure Yoko means something too, but I'm too tired or lazy to look it up-it was a name that I totally pulled from memory. :D**


	3. Chapter 2: Two Halves

**(A/N): Well, this took me a while to get on the computer. It was a combination of email assbaggery, test douchebaggery, and generally life...yeah, you get the idea. So, hope you all enjoy the work!**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 2-Two Halves

We were at the hospital for much longer than we should have. The doctors were simply desperate to find some reason for our sons' oddity. Despite being a scientist myself, I knew that science was not going to provide an answer for this predicament. I managed to convince the doctors into discharging Yoko and the children today.

As I write this, I cannot help but connect my children's births and Momentum. After Ryuusei and Yuusei had calmed down from the shadow episode, I had received a call saying that Momentum had experienced yet another negative rotation, this one stronger than the first. It was almost as if Momentum was reacting to my children-but that was ridiculous-surely it was a coincidence?

But, this speculation is not the reason I am writing here today. I have another, more baseless theory that sounds more ridiculous the more I think about it. And yet, it seems like the only possible explanation…

I remember reading about a concept called "Yin and Yang", from the old culture. It represented balance, equality. Light and shadow, good and evil, everything had its opposite that balanced it. Even people themselves had a Yin and a Yang-two sides to their spirit. There were many legends and stories surrounding that idea, but one in particular caught my attention.

There was a myth saying that each person had either an inclination to either their Yin or Yang. The other part that they were not inclined to would then reside in their shadow…

Yuusei and Ryuusei were both missing their shadows. Did this mean that they were emotionally neutral…? I originally thought so, but an incident earlier tonight changed my mind…

It was an innocent enough occasion. Yuusei had needed a diaper change. The changing table had been set up in the next room because of a lack of space-Yoko had insisted on having the crib in our bedroom so that she could keep an eye on them more easily, and with both of us being scientists, our room was already cluttered with tools and papers and stacks upon stacks of notes (most of them mine-Yoko disliked my habit on writing on the nearest surface available if a thought struck me and therefore bought me plenty of pads and paper to keep on hand).

Yuusei had seemed fine. He was a rather quiet baby, and had calmed down once I had come, as if he knew that I was there to take care of what he needed.

The trouble started once I had entered the next room. Yuusei had shivered slightly, and his body began to shake. By the time I had reached the table, he was quivering violently and his breath was coming out in short gasps, as if he was trying not to cry. His skin was beginning to pale. As I hurried though the changing, anxious about the sudden change in my son, I heard a loud noise-Ryuusei had begun to cry in the other room.

As if on cue, Yuusei began to cry as well, his pale cheeks beginning to flush from exertion. He seemed to instinctively curl himself up, trying to protect himself from something. I felt his forehead-he was feverish.

Panic coursing through my veins, I picked up Yuusei and whisked him back to his brother's room, wanting nothing more than to get him back to the safety of his crib.

Something truly strange began to happen at that point.

As I got closer to the crib, Yuusei began to calm down, his skin began to return to it's normal color, and his fever had all but vanished. By the time I was back at Ryuusei's side, he was perfectly serene, save for a few shivers.

Ryuusei too, appeared to be recovering form a similar ordeal. As I laid Yuusei back down next to him, Ryuusei seemed to try to turn to Yuusei, as if he was trying to see if he was alright. And then he had turned his eyes on me again-I froze. There was nothing but cold hatred in his gaze. It was if he was blaming me for causing his brother to suffer.

Had it really been me? They did start feeling distressed as soon as I had brought Yuusei out of the room. It seemed as if they couldn't be apart at all…

The myth came back to me. Every person had two halves of a soul…and one half resided in their shadow-the weaker half. Both of my sons were missing a shadow…were they both missing that vital part of themselves? But then how were they alive…unless…

Each son was what the other one was missing…

…Even now, I am stunned at this thought. It sounds purely whimsical and unscientific-an old wives' tale. The scientist in me scorns this idea. And yet…something in me feels that this is true…

Perhaps deeply rooted love, passed down the generations, from parent to child, along with their genes? Those fairy tales and legends that are as much a part of us as our most vital organs? Or the Crimson mark that chose one so unsuited to its needs; one that dared to defy and defile it with imperfect, immoral and yet innocent human curiosity?

But…what a horrid and yet most fascinating idea…that I have not two sons…but one…

Why would they separate? The soul-how strange this feels, to write about something so hypothetical and mythical in nature in a scientific manner-is something, I feel, that should remain whole. We, as humans, like to have everything whole: whole bodies, whole minds, whole lives…otherwise it is deformed, ugly. For when we have a whole, we have everything available to our avaricious hands…

Are my children…not whole? Are they deformed, ugly, abnormal? …It pains me to think this of my children. No father should think of their child that way…

And now I wonder…how long can my children live apart? If they are truly parts of the whole, whatever separated them cannot keep them separated for all eternity…they belong together…as one. Does this mean that one will be assimilated into the other? Or will they both lose their separate identities and become an entirely new person?

…I dread it happening. I have come to love both my sons as their own selves. To admit to this idea is to admit that I will lose one, or both, of my sons…

And yet…there is no proof against it…

But there is also no proof for it…so I wish, just this once, to feel as a human and not a scientist, to ignore all fact and feel nothing but faith and hope, hope that everything will be fine, that we will still be a family…together…

…The children cry…I must attend to them.

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Head Researcher_

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**(A/N): The usual begging for reviews and crit. Yes. :D**

**Ah, also, additional opinions on the future of this fic are needed.**

**See, I've already written nearly seven chapters of this fiction on a notepad. As I progressed through the fiction, I realized that the fiction itself focuses more on Dr. Fudo instead of the twins themselves, and I rather like this angle. So, here's the question.**

**I was orignially planning to write additional chapters that take place after the events described in the diary. However, these chapters would focus more on the twins, and that would rather screw up the dynamic I have going for this fiction.**

**So, here's the idea. I'm planning to write a sequel after the end of the diary depicting the twins' lives afterwards. Should I write them as a sequel or keep them in this fiction? Looking forward to opinions! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 3: Proud Papa

**(A/N): I expect the next few chapters or so to come up rather quickly, but as a result, they will be short. See, these next few chapters were originally intended to be one long chapter consisiting of several short and similarly themed entries, but as the entries became more diverse, I decided to separate them. So here's the first of them.**

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One and not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 3-Proud Papa

_Day XX, Month YY, Year 20XX_

I think I understand now…why those doctors wanted to continue observing my sons…They are truly fascinating little ones.

Their situation seems to capture one's heart, somehow: twin brothers, forever bound together by some strange twist of fate. It's an almost unearthly story, a fairy tale come alive.

And even without knowing their full story, they seem to draw someone in with their presence alone. Two young boys who appear to be polar opposites-Ryuusei with his cold exterior and his dislike of generally everything, and Yuusei with his bright, curious eyes that exude warmth and happiness and understanding-they appear that they would never get along, should never get along. And yet, they're closer than anything, always together, playing with each other without a care in the world. The image exudes such innocence, such peace, that it's endearing to practically all who see it. I often feel myself that I could watch them for hours on end, just simply seeing them together, my two little boys...

How often have I seen little Yuusei pick up an object of some sort and observe it with the greatest fascination, seen little Ryuusei glare at said object sullenly, with the greatest distrust? How often have I seen Yuusei try to introduce his older brother to said object, watch Ryuusei's irritation at it diminish under his younger brother's warmth, and see him be-if not at least happy-less angry? Observed while Ryuusei tries with all his infantile strength to be content with everything and cannot be; and yet soon finds that it matters not, for Yuusei is content enough for both of them?

And as I watch them play and caress them both as only a father can; and as I look down at them and find my gaze met with Yuusei's shimmering stare and Ryuusei's steely glare; I find myself lost in a brief moment in time, where my worries for them cease and are swept away by pure love and affection and bliss and pride-and I wonder…

…Is this what being a father feels like?

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Lead Scientist_

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**(A/N): Review? Crit? Yell at me for leaving you with something so stupidly short? :D**


	5. Chapter 4: What is Really Needed

**(A/N): Well, I was a bit distressed for a bit, because the notepad that I had written nearly seven chapter's worth of the story had been lost at school last Friday. However, luckily enough, I'm not usually the type to write things out before hand and I never start a story unless I have a good idea of what I want to happen, so I can continue writing as I normally do. It just means that there'll be a bit more time between chapters. I think One and Not the Same was the first fiction I wrote that actually was prewritten...but everything's still in my head anyways so unless I get distracted with another plotbunny, it'll still be there.**

**So enough with my ramblings, on with the story!**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 4-What is Really Needed

_Day XX, Month YY, Year 20XX_

Today was one of the rare days where both Yoko and I had a day off. We chose to use that opportunity to take our boys on an outing-they had little opportunity to visit the outside world, what with us being so busy with our work.

So, today, I found myself on the corner of a bustling city street with my wife and my children, searching for somewhere to take them to visit.

I felt vulnerable and isolated on the city streets. It felt strange, not wearing my lab coat, clad only in faded jeans and a worn T-shirt. I felt…exposed. My intellect, my sole tool in finding my place in the world, my occupation, my identity in society…it was virtually useless here, out on a crowded city corner, accompanied by two twin boys in a stroller and a wife searching for the nearest source of childish amusement. What could I do here…?

Then Ryuusei made an irritated whine at a pigeon that had wandered close to their stroller and was pecking at it. A few moments later that was followed by a peal of childish laughter from Yuusei, fascinated by the never-before seen creature.

It was as if their cries had cleared my muddled head. I saw now.

Here, on the street, my intelligence was unneeded, unnecessary. It wasn't a scientist that my children needed me to be.

It was a father. Someone to care for them, to love them with every fiber of their being, to raise them to be all they could be. Someone to feed them, clothe them, laugh along with them as pigeons pecked nearby and explain to them what the little grey birds were. Someone who could give them meaning to their world.

It was something I could do. It was something I had always been able to do, ever since I had first seen them several months back in the bassinet, where I had unconsciously vowed to raise them the best I could raise them. That was all that they needed.

It was something that I always had the materials to do. To raise them as only their father could, I had everything, here, in my heart…

…and in the diaper bag.

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Lead Scientist_

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**(A/N): Review, crit, flames, whatever. I'll take 'em all. :D Just please, leave something. :D?**


	6. Chapter 5: First Words

**(A/N): ALL HAIL MY PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER. HAIL HER. **

**Why? She found my lost notepad. :D And it turns out I was accidentally about to skip the content in the upcoming chapters five and six. D: So be glad she found it, people. :D **

**So, without further ado, chapter five!**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 5-First Words

Is it normal for a father to feel this giddy after hearing their child speak for the first time?

To be honest, none of the excitement I felt over any scientific revelations could ever, ever stand up to this pure, enthusiastic joy.

…Alright, so the words were pronounced one syllable at a time and came out wrong. But still-first words! Yoko is just as delighted as I am. I could probably fill this journal with odes of joy about my two wonderful, perfect twin boys…but I won't. That's not what this book is for. (Perhaps I'll buy a separate journal later, but for now, I'm hoping Yoko doesn't notice what I scrawled on the walls…)

Ryuusei had said said his word first. They had been playing with stuffed toys (which little Ryuusei had, predictably, an unexplicable hatred for). Yuusei had, being the warm babe that he was, tried to acquaint Ryuusei with the stuffed toy, which he accepted after a while. Eventually, Ryuusei had grabbed Yuusei's hand and pronounced it slowly, but firmly.

"Oh-toh-to."

That was it. I was a little disappointed by the fact that the first person he had chosen to acknowledge with words was his little brother rather than one of his parents, but I wasn't surprised. Yuusei was the only one that Ryuusei even wanted to be around. If anyone came in, he would immediately glare at them, furious that they had intruded on him and his brother.

Immediately after my disappointment came, it was replaced with sheer joy and delight, and any feelings of dismay were quickly washed away. It didn't matter what he said…he was acknowledging someone…a bond he had. I was so proud…

After Ryuusei had acknowledged him as a brother, Yuusei had gone silent for a few hours. He seemed to be thinking. I worried that he might not want to acknowledge Ryuusei as a brother…he was an unusually perceptive baby-I wouldn't be surprised if he suspected the same theory I did…

"Nii…tan!**"

What…?

He acknowledged his older brother? My boys…had they chosen…to try and feel…normal?

I looked at them. Yuusei was laughing and giggling and tugging on his brother's arm…

Ryuusei looked as stunned as I felt. It was the first expression of emotion I had seen him make that wasn't hatred, irritation, or boredom. A few moments later, he even looked almost gratified. It was certainly the most affectionate expression I had seen him make.

I felt it. There was some secret understanding between them…a sort of acceptance. How strange it was of me, thinking that toddlers could make secret pacts…and yet it seems so plausible…

Honestly…I feel a little left out…

…Do all parents feel this eventually?

Fudo Yuuen-hakase

Momentum Head Scientist

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**(A/N): Yeah. Usual beggars bowl left here. Will accept anything. :D**

**(EDIT): I iz fool. Posted it so quickly I forgot to clarify what exactly those two babies said.**

**"Oh-toh-to"-Ryuusei was actually trying to say "ototo", meaning "little brother".**

**"Nii-tan"-Yuusei was trying to say "niisan", meaning "older brother". **


	7. Chapter 6: Back to Reality

**(A/N): Nobody reviewed chapter five. D: Are people losing interest in the story? :( I dunno, this makes me feel a bit dispirited...sorry about waiting so long to upload this one. **

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 6-Back to Reality

Oh, god, I wish this dream had never ended! These last few months of my life had felt normal! I was a normal father, with a normal job, with two perfectly, wonderfully, normal twins! I was never a Signer, never the head of a project that so foolishly, foolishly challenged the illogical and unscientific supernatural!

…I had…forgotten…all that.

What I had originally intended this journal for…am I truly so inadequate for the task set before me? I have half a mind to tear out my recent entries, and I almost did…but I can't, I just can't! The memories in each word, every letter…they haunt me…they are a part of me…part of me that is the father, not the scientist.

And yet now…at this moment…it feels that the father is no longer necessary…not for this…and yet, I feel like a monster for admitting it.

But the truth it…for him to face the shattering of his dream world…he would shatter with it, for he is part of it…and part of me.

…Why? Why could I blindly hope like so many others, like normal people? Why couldn't faith lead us out of this? Why does it have to be so difficult?

…Why do others…why do my children…why do they have to suffer for my mistakes?

…Of course…I speak of Momentum. That cursed, cursed, project…

Momentum had been calm; there had been no negative rotations for quite a while. I had almost convinced myself that I had been forgiven for my sins, that the problem had been solved…

Today's negative rotation had been the strongest it had ever been. Some of the equipment was destroyed in the effort to stop it. It was as if I was being reminded: You have not been forgiven. You have not finished with your repentance. You must continue on with your duty.

And so I shall…even if I die.

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Lead Scientist_

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**(A/N): Reviews, flames, crit? Anything? D:**


	8. Chapter 7: It's Okay

**(A/N): Yay, I'm glad that people are still interested. I was getting worried for a while there. Anyways, this is going to be the last chapter for a bit of time, since chapter eight isn't finished yet...having a bit of trouble getting the words the way I want them. Onwards, ho!**

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One and Not the Same

A Yu-Gi-Oh!5D's Fanfiction

Chapter 7-It's Okay…

Ever since the negative rotation, I have been dreading it again…losing one or both of my two sons…The simple thought causes me great agony.

I feel ashamed admitting this…but…unconsciously, in some deep dark bowel of my mind, I feel myself evaluating which one is more likely to survive, and…god, it disgusts me to write this…trying to force myself to be distant to one of them, force myself to unlove the one that is most likely to disappear in order to save myself pain…

What sort of hateful father am I? What kind of primal beast…no…even the most feral of creatures would never even think of abandoning their own child…

And yet, even now, I evaluate my twins…and I honestly think that…I think…Ryuusei…will be the one to live…

Ryuusei had always been the one with the most physical presence. When one walked into the room, his irritated gaze would automatically focus on them, making them shiver. Yuusei's presence, compared to him, was almost unnoticeable, quiet, and hidden behind his brother's…

Ryuusei had sat up first, stood first, walked and talked first…he had always been the first, always charging on ahead, always defiantly obstinate, and only Yuusei could convince him not to be so…

And Yuusei…Yuusei never seems to oppose his brother's domination…it's as if he doesn't want to be dominant…doesn't want to displease his brother. And…I can tell…it's not done out of fear…I see the light in his eyes. His eyes…they glimmer so…they say that it's because he's come to accept this incomplete human, this other vital part…as another person, as his brother, as someone separate from him…someone he loves like a brother…as someone he shares an important bond with…and someone he wants to protect, even from his own lies. I see it all, the way he smiles even when his brother goes into a fitful rage, the way he cries if his brother is upset…all of it.

I found myself unconsciously favoring Ryuusei today: lifting him out of his crib alone without his brother, something I did not normally do.

Ryuusei, of course, immediately fixated me with his glare, irritated that he was being separated from his brother, knowing that something was not right…but it was Yuusei who had frightened me.

He had simply looked at me with his bright eyes. And immediately I felt that he had seen through what I had been trying to conceal from myself, what I hated myself for trying to do. I felt naked, stripped bare of everything I covered myself up with, and left standing as what I truly was, and I was disgusted with it…

And then he smiled at me. Automatically, I felt guilty, the worst I had ever felt about everything…even my prior sins seemed minuscule compared to this shame. I wanted to apologize for everything: for trying to hate him; for not being able to hate him; for being inadequate as a father; for letting vain curiosity get to me; for subjecting my infant sons to the worst fate they could have-existing…

…for accepting the forgiveness I didn't deserve…from my infant son, no less.

And the longer I looked, the worse I felt. His eyes were speaking to me, saying, "It's okay, it's okay, Papa, I understand…I still love you, Papa. It's okay…"

And then I scooped Yuusei up into my arms as well, rocking him and Ryuusei together as I should have all along, whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Because it's not okay, not at all, not when the infant has surpassed the parent in terms of maturity, when they look at you with those eyes that are alit with wisdom and acceptance of their short life, and they look at you with eyes of innocent and wholehearted love, simply because you are there...

And it's all so wrong, so wrong! Because the infant should not be comforting the parent, should not be so accepting of their errors, shouldn't be so damn…innocent!

…They shouldn't forgive people like me…

Ryuusei's reaction to my cradling was exactly what I felt I deserved, although it didn't make me feel any better. He shrunk away from my grasp, refusing to look at me, and when I did catch his eyes, they expressed nothing but hatred: "I hate you, you're disgusting, you senile old man, you're hurting him, you're trying to hurt him, you're trying to hurt me."

"I know, I know…I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Yuusei's reaction made me feel even worse, and yet I lapped up his forgiveness greedily, despite the fact that I felt worse with every sip. It was like the unfortunate man in a desert with nothing to drink but salt water-he knows that the salt water would make him ill and even thirstier, but he drinks anyway, to slake his immediate thirst, to give him some semblance of replenishment…

Perhaps it was because I felt that I had not been forgiven for my transgressions that I was desperate for it…

And here I was, with hatred in one arm and love in the other; one infant blatantly expressing displeasure with my embrace, the other nuzzling and snuggling with affection; fining solace in neither, wanting to give it to both…yet unable to…

This whole exchange was completely silent, and yet, when I look back, I hear things…words unspoken…and they continue to echo in my mind…

"I hate you, I hate you…"

"Papa, I love you…it's okay."

_Fudo Yuuen-hakase_

_Momentum Lead Scientist_

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**(A/N): Reviews, flames, crit? Yanno, the usual. :D**


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